My New Year diet started this week, while sharing nice tasty and healthy recipes here with you dear reader, I have been subsiding on the world’s most revolting saltness green soup and bentonite clay water. Seriously, lets not even go there, just all too yucky for words…..
It all came about because of New Year of course. That dreaded day when the carb laden rigours of the festive season seem to gang up on you and create some sort of manic optimism that forces you to announce to the world in general, and self in particular, that THIS time you’ll get a grip and lose some weight!
Of course I am perfectly capable of this and proved it a few years back when I went all out diet mad and started running etc. I know I can do it, I just sort of fell by the wayside when I had to give up running 2 years ago. Nasty horrid fat has been sneaking up on me and now SOMETHING MUST BE DONE.
As New Year fell on a Thursday and there was loads of festive food in the house it would have been wasteful (and possibly even rude) not to eat it (and let’s be realistic here, drink it too). I decide to hold of the dreaded D-day until Monday. Good thinking, I spend entire weekend stuffing down anything stationary and end up actually looking forward to this big detox/diet starting Monday.
Oh what a fool. Maybe your experiences with drinking bentonite clay are way better than mine, but suffice to say within half an hour of the first bottle I was doubled up in agony and the size of a small whale. Couldn’t even sit at my desk and had to retire to the sofa whining piteously and fearing for my life. Of course it all calmed down after a couple of hours and I felt fine and not even hungry.
Lunch time arrives and I tackle my first bowl of my all out green and saltless soup which resembles something you might find in Shreks lavatory. There is nothing remotely appetising or tasty about this, I can’t even say it slithers down a treat, lets just say I manage to swallow it all. It is supper time that puts the proverbial cat amongst the pigeons. I have to make something for Idgy to eat, you know how I enjoy cooking, well today I don’t, I resent the tantalizing aroma of the tomato and basil sauce as it drops beguiling on to the pasta I have piled on her plate. I look at my mug of green goo and curse foot surgeries and having to give up running – come on I have to have something to blame.
Tuesday and it is with great trepidation that I tackle the bottle of clay drink. Will it be like yesterday or was that a fluke. Determined to carry on I gulp it down and add more water just to be on the safe side. Nothing happens, no reaction at all, success. Carry on with my day and the bloody awful green soup for lunch and supper. I know I only have to do another day of this as I promised myself on New Year that I would do a 3 day detox and then go on to the 5:2 diet which seems perfectly reasonable and sane. Just have to get through this bit first. Now many of you may be wondering why the hell I don’t just start on the 5:2 diet in the first place and avoid all this unneccessary torture, well I have found that the best way for me to get into the swing of a diet is to have a short sharp shock at the start just for 3 days and then be far more mature and sensible. For some bizarre reason it makes me feel that the diet after the detox is so much easier and I can cope with it all and moreover, stick to it.
By last night I was in almost ecstatic mode as I slurped down the last of the Shrek soup. What joy, the pot was empty, the fridge free from my row of neatly lined up jars of the stuff made in one huge batch on Monday.
Today I am enjoying light eating and solid (yes really, feel like a grown-up) food again. Does it feel good? Bet your ass it does. Now just have to get with the kettlebell again and get that ass into shape…….