Once upon a time, in a land far, far away. Well actually about 6 years ago in the flower bed in front of HQ – but you have to admit the other opening was way better!
I planted couple of rose bushes right against the side of my little log cabin. One of the bushes has been great and grown and flowered every year. Maybe a tad too much as my scratchy arms will attest after pruning it back on Sunday.
Anyway the other bush was a disaster. It only flowered for one year then sort of gave up the ghost. Not being the most hands-on of gardeners (unless it’s a herb and I want to use it) I kind of ignored this deceased rose bush. sort of hoped it might dissolve into the ground, biodegrade or the rose fairy take the damn thing away.
Even on Sunday when I cleared that bed and did such a good job of it I left that bloody old rose bush in place. It wasn’t till yesterday (when I had told myself – no gardening) that I decided to remove it.
Note to self and anyone else listening; Never try to haul up a rose bush when you are not dressed for the part – a longish dress and flip flops is not the outfit of choice (alas it was my wardrobe choice yesterday, come on the weather was lovely and had to get those tanned pins out!).
Anyway I pulled the bush. I hauled at the reluctant bush. I got the spade out and I dug about it and hauled some more. I did everything apart from bringing in a JCB and big bloke to do it for me, and that was only because I didn’t have one to hand.
You know how you can get the bit between your teeth and just won’t give up on something. Well I was gnashing on that bit. I wouldn’t let this rose bush go. I persevered. Arms more prickled than ever, sweat off brow, soil all over the place. I huffed and I puffed. Eventually my hard work paid off, but boy did it pay off in style.
I hauled on the bush in a good deep crouching position, I leaned right back, full weight (and there’s plenty of it) was against that bush. Suddenly it started to give. Alas it decided to give in a very fast and sudden moment, the whole bush and entire root system flew into the air and arked back past me above eye level. At the same time I flew back at ground level and went smack into my ancient old wrought iron bird bath. The bird bath fell over and deposited a winters worth of sodden mouldy wet leaves all over my face as I lay underneath it.
The bloody rose bush almost smirked at me as it lay on the paving outside the flower bed while I lay in the flower bed covered in muck.
I am abandoning the garden today in favour of less dangerous and safer pursuits.
I may try hang gliding or extreme skiing, maybe even try my hand at abyss diving. Hmmmm maybe not on Walton’s Mountain…..