No, no, I’ve not decided to hang the damn things, kill them, give up and put my proverbial feet up. No these guys have just been enjoying a well earned bath.
Let me tell you, they needed it. You see just round the corner from here is a farm known locally as The Tip In The Dip. It is just filthy, okay it’s a working dairy farm but they just leave the lane covered in cow shit all the time and it really is gross.
So you can imagine running round that way ain’t really a dream, especially not in wet weather. Picture the scene dear reader, the other day a few drops of rain in the early morning, nothing much – get out there woman and run.
I did. Alas by the time I got round to the tip the rain had doubled, no trebbled in volume, it was pouring. The lane was just full of cow shit and worse, they had been spreading their fields and left slurry all over the lane for another 100 yards.
EEuuugh! Only one way to get home, gotta run through it.
Brace self and just go for it. There’s no point in prancing about and trying to avoid it, you’ve just got to plough on and get through. I do whilst muttering about bovines, farmers and weather.
Just as I am reaching the end of the dreaded slurry situation the milk lorry approaches coming towards me. I eye the lorry, I eye the slurry, I know what is going to happen, I feel it in my bones, I see it before it happens.
It happens – shit happens as they say. The lorry doesn’t slow (of course not), I leap for the hedge but there is only 3 feet of edging here and I’m still beside that lane, that slurry and that lorry.
You’re ahead of me aren’t you! Yep, lorry wheels meet slurry, nice high arking wave is created, yours truly is in the firing line.
I am now wet and not pleasantly so. Not only has the rain soaked me from head to foot, not only are my feet covered in cow shit, oh no, now I’m liberally splashed all over with the damn stuff.
This is not good.
Strip off in the aptly named Mud Room and chuck everything into the washer, throw self into the shower and lean on the wall wondering why the hell I do this.
Really, why do I do this?