I am looking forward to coffee and a chat with Lis.
I am looking forward to escape from this bloody computer, fresh air and no hassles.
Let me tell you about yesterday dear reader;
Are you sitting comfortably?
Then I’ll begin…
Once upon a time there was a fabulously gorgeous wonderful lady (come on, it’s my story, my look) who was ever so calmly chatting to a friend on skype on her computer. They talked about the project she was working on and the next step she’d take. Oh my but she was so fired up and excited by this chat that when she hung up she fairly leaped into it.
Well it involved moving things about on the computer. Maybe downloading something. Now our heroine has not been known for her strengths and abilities in the Land Of The Computer and is somewhat nervous of venturing into this dark and dangerous (and usually expensive) forest. Anyway she packs her little basket, dons her
sparkly slippers elf shoes, and sallies forth with hope in her heart and a cake in her basket in case she’s peckish along the way.
At first the journey is bright and breezy, she fairly skips along clicking those computer buttons and moving things about. All the flowers of the forest are smiling, life is good.
And then she tries something just a tad adventurous, she tries to make something big happen. The giant who rules Computer Land doesn’t like this and kicks up a fuss. He is so very, very angry that he decides to be a complete sod and bugger up her trip to Computer Land completely. Not only that he attempts to murder her own computer.
This is terrible, our heroine is distraught, she feels as if she is caught in quicksand and legs are moving slower and slower (see the computer moving at a snails pace here), there is panic in her heart that the computer is dying. The a dark and evil place. Wires spring up and tangle her, she is screaming for help (oh yes I am) and falling over a lot.
Rough translation for those not too interested in my merry musings; Tried to upload video through a system that I had downloaded myself and lo and behold my computer threw a hissy fit. A major, quite spectacular hissy fit. A lets slow down and start to die on you type of fit. By 5pm the whole thing was jammed completely, nothing would move. Panicked phone calls to friend Colin to see if he could help.
Back to the story…..
As our delightful (charming, gorgeous, you know the one) heroine is floundering around and calling for help (yes, yes, she is panicking, screeching and acting the goat – par for the course really, so what else is new), but lo and behold, out of the murky swirling mists and descending darkness the magical Techno Wizard appears and says he will lead her out of this hellish place and fix the computer and silence the nasty Computer Giant for her. Alas there seems to be something wrong, the struggle is bigger than even the Wizard thought. There is much trouble within the computer, it is very sick indeed. It would appear that it has nibbled on something that didn’t agree with it! Oh my God it has been corrupted!
Techno Wizard pulls out his sword and goes into battle, he hacks at the treacherous branches, weeds and wires and digs deep into the heart and bowels (yeeugh!) of the Computer. After a mammoth struggle of almost two hours he staggers back from the wooded jungle. He is battered and bruised, but boy oh boy is he triumphant.
Yes he has slayed the dragon, outed the bandits and cut out the nasty, horrible corrupted file that had brought down the system.
Our heroine thanks him profusely, picks up her basket and runs like hell from the Land of The Computer and sinks her teeth into a glass of wine. She decides she will save her trip to Computer Land till tomorrow……
Hate bloody computers. Thank you Colin for saving the day (and the computer), don’t know what I’d have done without you.