I thought l would introduce you to Boris. Now dear Boris has been with me for many years. I inherited Boris from my God Parents when they died abut twenty years ago. At that time Boris was mounted on what looked suspiciously like a gravestone/urn. This was a tad worrying, and Boris always lived on a hall table out of the way and was always used as a bit of a joke. 'Watch out, you could end up inside Boris'. This wooden pedistal below him just looked like it could either sit on a grave or had someone's ashes stashed inside.
Well one day l decided that l had had enough. I would solve the mystery of Boris and find out what he really was. I took courage in both hands and ballanced Boris on top f all that and headed off to Sotheby's office in Edinburgh. The nice chap there took one look and said 'Hello Apollo', Boris isn't used to that sort f familiarity (and wrong name) so could easily have taken afront. But no, turns out dear Boris is in fact The Belvedeir Apollo. The kind gentleman then took Boris to bits (eeeek!), he removed that horrible clunky black heavy wood base that l had always thought contained ashes. Oh no, said he, apparently this heavy chunk of wood was there for another purpose altogether. It hid the fact that dear Boris was actually part of a full statue. It covered the raggedly broken base of his neck where it had once joined a pair of no doubt rather masculine shoulders. Apparently dear Boris was quite a rarety. I decided right away to ditch the horrible base and think of a better way to display Boris.
I always liked the way that the broken statues are displayed in Greece, with just bits of statue mounted on a simple wraught iron stake planted into a simple marble base. That was it, Boris would be presented like that. Well it took me years to eventually get around to doing this, but then abut 12 years ago now, Boris was attached to a smart old marble base with a wrought iron stake, he looked a picture. He has lived his 'life' from then on always on a shelf in the livingroom. Now he is on the mantlepiece. At Christmas Boris always sports a rather fetching gold crown and a garland of evergreen. He looks forward to this all year you know! This is his time to shine.
So here he is with candles around him, proudly placed on the mantlepiece watching over the house and us mere mortals who stumble along in it. There is nothing scary or mournful about Boris any more, he is just part of the family.