"One of the USB devices attached to your computer has failed", oh God, the groan that message engenders, instant panic, the pulling of wires, the stabbing at keys that won't function.
Sometimes the most basic approach works. Pull out all the horrible wires, shake the nasty little laptop and plug everything back in again.
Go and get a cup of tea while the little beast thinks about its bad behaviour. Give it a few moments to reflect on how its actions have affected others (me), and then it will behave nicely, apologise profusely and let me write my blog!
I realise of course that I have crossed the line and actually think my laptop is human. This of course would explain my fear of it, it is smarter than me, it is snazzy, slim and mysterious, it can spell, it can add. It holds the whole world inside it and moves between continents with the ease only an expert in metaphysics could imagine.
We have a love hate relationship my laptop and I. I know I should take a computer course so that I can converse with it in its own language instead of just swearing at it in mine. I love it when it takes me to far flung places, lets me talk to friends, helps me to create pages and pictures, improves my life in ways I could never have imagined just a few short years ago. I hate it when it spits out gobbledygook I don't understand, flashes messages at me, refuses to let me do things and generally downs tools, quits working and blows a proverbial raspberry in my face.
A laptop of colour and style. A laptop of flowers and butterflies.
A designer laptop.
A Vivienne Tam HP laptop. Ah the joys, no more the plain little black number, a splash of style and colour.
Of course the mere hint of this amusing, stylish and fun laptop will suddenly improve my writing, make me a star and make my life wonderful in ways that I can hardly imagine. Images of me and my laptop dance before my eyes.
There we are together outside this fabulous house in the sunshine. We are at a marble table my laptop and I. While I sit at the table the laptop is in fact on it. We have enjoyed a fruitful day my laptop and I. We have created masterpieces of literary fantasy together, hand in hand (well okay, hand on keyboard) we glide through a land of joy and abundance (mine), we are as one.
There is also two glasses of perfectly chilled wine on the table just waiting to be sipped in the sunshine. No they are not for the laptop and me, they are for me and my perfect partner (ah yes, he is in this scenario too) who is just about to step out of my gorgeous house and join me. I shall close my perfect stylish butterfly clad laptop and raise my glass to sip wine with him.
You really can't have a fantasy like that with a boring old black laptop on the table in front of you, come on be serious!
I think my laptop knows my yearnings. You'd think it would therefore play nice, behave well and try to keep in with me and be my pal. But oh no, there it is acting like a testy teenager with a serious 'whatever' attitude.
We continue in out partnership of unequal parts my laptop and I. We continue our love hate relationship. I keep threatening to learn its language. It continues to mock me.
At least it let me write this, thanks Mr Laptop, you are just so darn cute…..
Which one would you go for, I was set on the butterflies but I'm veering towards the red one now.