"They say there will be snow at Christmas, they say there will be peace on earth….."
I think we can safely assume the latter part of that statement is a bit of a no-goer with various conflicts going on, but hey, what ho, lets look at the first bit.
We are being bombarded with weather warnings up here in Scotland. After the transport chappy making such a cock up with the snow situation last week there is a certain amount of anxiety about impending white stuff.
Yesterday my pal Kiki (also lives in slightly silly location off main road, down winding lane, all that stuff, we all seem to do that up here, maybe it's the weather or something) phoned to suggest we got some extra food etc in just in case we are all snowed in again. Good thinking, what a woman.
When Idgy back from school we all set off, girlies together heading for Tesco. What fun!
Tesco's was of course heaving the with everyone else who lives in Ayrshire all on the same mission. We were giant lemmings hitting the freezers, bread shelves and dairy products as if this were 'Supermarket Sweep' and we'd get a Jolly Good Prize at the end of it.
I remember my Dad used to always chide my Mum at Christmas, pointing out that there was no need to buy so much food as we weren't under seige. Hmmmmmm, well yes we are now, or at least we are threatened to be by the dire weather warnings.
People are dragging trolleys overloaded with tins, packets, bottles (well you've got to have some entertainment during a siege), veg and enough frozen food to build an ice burg worthy of the Titanic.
To liven up the experience we decided to get creative and enjoy a little Abstract Placement Art. This is a good game if there are huge queues and you are now at the stage of aimlessly wandering around hoping for the lines to lessen.
Find an item (anything will do – personally I like tinned sardines, bags of bananas and maybe even a really silly looking kiddie bubble bath character – Postman Pat is always a good choice. Now wander round a bit and place your item with care in the most illogical position. Postman Pat looks particularly fetching in the fresh veg department, or popping out from the tomato soup cans. A tin of sardines is a wow when cunningly placed in the gents toiletries.
I like to think of this as entertainment for other shoppers. You can almost see their minds whirling round as they gaze blankly at Postman Pat wondering what in heavens name he is doing in the tomato basket. It really throws people off ballance. It is a bit like going round a gallery with lots of modern abstract art. People stand in front of it and don't quite know how to take it.
This is abstract art on a mini scale, accessible to all.
Anyway after we had entertained ourselves with a little artistry we finally checked out, realised we were now broke and headed out to load poor old Buggles (aka Prickles) with food, booze and other essentials.
Time for tea – well McDonald's actually. There was a moment there that was beyond all imaginings. The Festive Burger actually looked exactly like the one in the posters round the shop. It was not the usual damp bun with wizened meat block, wilted lettuce and a dodgy gherkin. No, this was bouncy, fresh and really, honestly, just like the picture. It was even edible.
So that's it. The freezer is full, the pantry is groaning, and there is enough food to feed a small nation.
Now let's just wait for the snow to hit. If it doesn't I think I will just have to hole up here, eat all the food and pretend it's snowing, just to save face and not feel I have fallen foul of scaremongering and seige buying.