Rather like the sunscreen song I am now going to give you some advice;
Never eat sushi in the car.
Your first thought, "Why on earth would anyone want to eat sushi in the car?".
Simple answer – hunger.
Yesterday I was rushing about doing errands, and it was 2pm in Tescos when mr Hungry raised his ugly head and started that menacing growling noise.
Well I am in Tescos so no problem on the food front. Has to be something I can snaffle in the car tho'. Sandwich, baguette, both too heavy, don't want all that bread,something in a little pot – no too tricky and possibly a messy situation. Aha, little trays of sushi, a bottle of apple juice and pkt of crisps, What fun, practically a picnic!
Leave Tescos loaded with loot and head for the car. Why do I keep forgetting I have little Buggles these days and still search for a jeep in the car park?
In car and off we go with my tasty little picnic on the passenger seat. At the traffic lights I am embedded in a long queue so try to open the lid on the sushi box. I am having a little bit of trouble with this. Overkill on the selotape means I am almost (but not quite as I remember these are temporary crowns in my mouth and being left with two teeth embedded in plastic box would not be a good look) biting open the damn box.
Success on the box front, and oh look, one of those cute little fish shaped plastic bottles with soy sauce inside. Love soy sauce. Open soy sauce bottle and unfortunately the top comes off quicker than I thought it would. A perfect arc of brown liquid shoots from the fish's mouth right across the car and windscreen.
Do I panic? In a word, yes. Still stuck at the lights (thank goodness) I am desperately rummaging for a tissue in my bag, the handle of which just catches the edge of the sushi tray, and whoops there it goes, up, up and away, flying sushi now adds to the in car chaos.
As I try to gain some semblance of order and wipe the windscreen and a stray splat from my side window, I spot the driver in the next car. He is slumped over his steering wheel and shaking. how dreadful, has he had a heart attack? Oh no, he is fine, he turns, spots me looking and rolls down his window. "Never seen anything so funny luv, you've cheered my day".
So the sight of a obscenity mouthing woman wrestling with flying sushi, over-stuffed handbag and a mysterious soy sauce fish thing is amusing.
Hmmmmmmm I guess so.
Moral of the story – just buy the bloody sandwich instead.