"On line dating is the way to go", "You ought to join an on line dating agency", "think of the fun of meeting new people and getting out much more". Oh I've heard all the arguments for the on line marketplace and they just seem to be getting more and more popular. Friends telling me that so-and-so met on line and aren't they great together, that it's the 'in thing' etc.
They say it has all moved on from the stigma of lonely hearts and is the modern way to meet the love of your life. I'm not convinced really. In fact I'm not convinced at all.
However having said that, last Thursday someone mentioned it again and I just thought, oh what the hell give it a go.
Friday morning found me squaring up to the laptop, all thoughts of work etc gone, I was going to tackle this dating agency thing and put myself up there into cyberspace.
I spend almost an hour ticking boxes that covered everything from my likes and dislikes in health and fitness, to how many cigarettes can he smoke (none). Any minute I expected it to cheerfully inquire as to "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" and was slightly miffed that I didn't get to sing back that standard reply, "with a hug".
There was a percentage thingy at the side of the screen which tells you just how far you are getting in this form filling process. It's a nail biting thing this, you are clicking away at boxes for what seems like decades, and all the movement you see is that you've filled in 15% of the form. A less determined character could easily give up, go to work, or really just pass out and expire over their keyboard.
I am that determined character and trudge onwards. Oh goody I get to the paragraphs where you get to tell a bit about yourself , your hobbies and interests, that kind of thing. I start to enjoy myself and by the end of the fill-in box I honestly sound like so much fun I think that I should ask myself out.
The counter in the corner of the screen has suddenly zoomed up to 99% and then I'm there, finished – whoopee!
But what's this, a bright yellow pop up box has appeared and filled my screen with doom. You are not eligible to join this community, you are not fully divorced.
Oh my God, I've been knocked back by a bloody computer.
Friday evening finds me recounting my story to a friend over supper. While falling over laughing they point out that I have to be the only person known to man that would be turned down by an on line dating agency. It is also pointed out that maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. "Come on Karon I bet you spent ages coming up with a really cute alias to go under (well yes I did actually), bet you slightly exaggerated the hobbies and sports just a teeny bit (well come on, I have always wanted to scuba dive, and Idgy snowboards so that's not aaaaallllll that far from the truth, and the hang-gliding…..) . Didn't it occur to you that even with the cutsey alias to hide behind, someone might just see you on telly, aha they'd shriek, there's ………(your choice of cutesy name here I'm not telling you mine!). A quick google strike later, they find the blog and hey ho, where is all this snowboarding, why does she never mention the scuba diving, and well as for the hang-gliding…….
Even my brother got in on the act yesterday. "Great thinking K, advertising for your own stalker now are you?".
Ho hum, I knew it was a dumb idea, why do I let myself get talked into these things. Oh well nothing lost, another knock back in the great romantic adventure of life. But even though the computer turned me down, hell I sounded good, what a woman, far too good for the average man.
Maybe I should be sending me roses and taking me out to dinner. I might even throw myself the odd compliment now and then. At least I'd be spared the broken leg that would result from those hang-gliding lessons that I'd have to endure to live up to my own sporty reputation.