Hi guys, I have survived my weekend without my girl. She came home last night tired and happy and convinced that her snow boarding is far better than skiing. I think the bruises have something to do with this. "You can stop easily on a snow board", hmmmmm me thinks she didn't stop at the bottom of the hill!
I spent my weekend cooking, photographing food, writing about food and then eating the stuff. Well would be hellish to let it go to waste wouldn't it. I don't want to see another brussels sprout as long as I live.
Have also been doing a bit of a clear out on people. Hmm yes, people. Isn't it amazing how you carry them around in your life/phone/address books far longer than you should sometimes. I was made aware of this over the weekend. Someone patted my back in a singularly patronising (should that be pat-ronising) manner and pointed out my failings. Hitting right at the old achilles heel with an arrow dipped in self richous poison. Didn't I realise my own limitations, wasn't I maybe making a fool of myself, shouldn't I get real.
Those words hit hard and hurt. I struggled with them alone at home. I beat myself up. Then I got angry, angry at myself for taking what she said on face value. Why should she be right, what gives here the knowledge that I am doing wrong, why did I give her the power to hurt and wound. Okay so all this power thinking wasn't entirely me coming up with the goods. I had of course panicked in true me style and asked someone else what they thought.
So I made a decision, I decided to make a clear out of things I don't want and need in my life, some of them are human. I cleared my phone of people that shouldn't be there. I took a long hard look in my heart and toughened it up on some others. Why have draggers in your life, people who pull you down and sap your joy.
Is it sometimes that when you are floundering and in a bad place certain people can comfort you and make you feel better for a while, but those self same people don't really want to see you happy. When you have pulled yourself out of the mire, when you are feeling for your smile, they will be right in there reminding you that you can't be sure, have failed before, be realistic. Is it that they want to keep you in that manageable box where you were looking up to them for advice and comfort, do they like this upper hand, this feeling of dominion over your lesser self. Then they don't want to lose such an exalted position so they ever so gently push you back down again so they can maintain their status. I realised that this person had been doing this all the time, only I hadn't seen it before.
You have to beleive that for the people you lose from your life there will be others who emerge, who come in and bring joy. Sometimes the ballance can seem off, but I do know, I know in my heart that there are lots of guests at this cocktail party we call life, the door will open and others will flow through, there will be more hellos and hi's. Sometimes you just have to say goodbye.
So there you have it, cheery for a Monday morning isn't it! Actually it is cheerful, because I am in a better place in finding out where friendship lies and untying the bonds of those that are unhelpful.
So Monday morning finds me searching for my metaphorical cocktail frock, a fancy hat, maybe a fascinator, impossibly high heels (reality, what reality!) and a great big smile. I'm ready to step into the room.
PS PRIZE DRAW WINNERS
Have done the prize draw from my birthday for the PR 4U pdf and the Sew Easy Scenters pdf. There are two winners Masa and Simone. Have zapped the pdfs through to Masa, Simone can you email me and send your email address so I can zap this through to you.