There is an age thing out there in the real world, or should I say a woman's age thing. The strange thing is tho' it is us women who are perpetuating the 'age thing'. I am guilty.
Way back in the mists of time (ten years ago) when I used to take Idgy to the local Mothers and Toddlers group in the village, I noticed something – I was the oldest mum there. This wasn't a position I relished, I decided to 'knock off' a few years, just a few, well 5 actually.
Looking back it seems kind of silly now, but it felt important at the time. It gave me confidence, made me part of the group. I wasn't ostracized as 'older mum with baby' , okay I was still older than the others, but not by so much. Somehow it all felt better.
Well over the years I have just kind of drifted on with this. Actually, sometimes I have wanted to 'come clean' and just let loose those extra 5 years. Throw them into the ring with a sort of caviler What The hell attitude. Then someone would laugh about someone's age, 'Well she's ancient' that sort of thing.
Last year one of the group turned 40 (I was masquerading as 45 remember), she made a big fuss about how she wasn't celebrating because it was a Big Birthday and she was getting old. Strewth I thought, Big Birthday, you ain't seen nothing yet lady.
Recently someone different found out my age and have teased me about it, tried to catch me out in the numbers game. They thought it funny, I found it hurtful and it made me sad. Sad with myself for feeling I have to pretend to be younger to be acceptable.
I had been toying with the idea of Coming Out this year, after all it is the big Five O. Thought maybe I should celebrate this one. Well last night I admitted all this to a friend. 'Oh no, for God's sake don't tell anyone else, stay at 45 and keep up the pretense'. She was adamant about it. Said I should carry on and 'be' 50 only to myself and celebrate being 46 this year.
Is it because I am single that it is so very bad to be coming up for 50? Would it be more acceptable if I had a handsome man in tow, would I then not be falling into 'old single woman' trap?
Strangely enough the more adamant she was, the more I thought 'Sod it. I'll be me, I'll be 50'. Her attitude really grated on me, okay she is younger than me, but I don't actually look any older than her. So she has 'man in tow and successful career', so bloody what. It made up my mind for me. Why pretend, why hide, if someone has a problem with it, let them have the problem, not me.
So this is it, next month I will be fifty. This is a Big Year and I want to do so much. Now how should I celebrate?
Have a nice weekend.